I was just now having a poke through the writings of some of the amazing bloggers on this site when I came across a section on a blog called “Terms & Conditions.” When I clicked on it, I found a carefully worded disclaimer that said lawyerly-sounding things like “the opinions of this blogger…yadda yadda,” and “subject to revision without notice…blah blah blah.”
Okay, I get that this is the internet, and I get that the world is full of weirdos. Ergo, I get that this is not necessarily the ideal combination. But, seriously, if you are one of the aforementioned weirdos and you happen to either take offense and/or punk someone’s work, then how is a little typed out blurb going to stop you?
It got me thinking: If I were to put a Terms & Conditions thing on my blog, what would I say? Let’s find out, shall we?
TERMS & CONDITIONS
1. The opinions of this blogger may or may not make sense to anyone other than the blogger. They do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the chipmunks that live in the backyard of the said blogger, nor do they necessarily concur with the opinions of any politicians currently holding office, or, for that matter, any chipmunks holding office.
2. The writings of this blogger may or may not be true. It may or may not be difficult to tell the difference. Even for the blogger.
3. The photogs used in this blog are the original work of the blogger and are embedded with a virus that will not only cause your computer to dissolve into a puddle of molten ooze, but it will leap from your monitor screen and attach itself to your face. It’ll be all downhill from there. So don’t steal them, okay??
4. Should you choose to read this blog, please be advised that you do so at your own risk. The blogger accepts no responsibility whatsoever should you happen to suffer some sort of malfunction during the course of the reading of the said blog. And no, the blogger will most definitely NOT cover your medical expenses.
5. The writer of this blog is an entirely fictitious character and, as such, cannot be prosecuted for any of his or her fictitious behaviour, including, but not limited to, silliness, fun-poking, general levity, specific levity, and any other sorts of behaviours which may or may not be named later.
6. Any other addenda and/or provisos and/or insertions heretofore omitted shall be presumed to be written (or not, as the case may be) with or without the full knowledge of the blogger.
There now. I think we’ve about covered it. I feel all safe and protected now. :D