Heading South (To Get Warm!)

Posted: March 25, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Day 1 of The Great 2013 Florida Run

Because it just wouldn’t stop snowing, we were a week late getting the trailer out of storage.  What this meant was that we had only ONE (!!!) day to get packed up, stem to gudgeon, and hit the road.

Like a couple of rookies (um, the shoe fit, so…), we took everything out of the trailer when we stored it.  By “everything,” I mean EVERYTHING.  We promise to be slightly less idiotic next year.  I only say this so that you’ll be sufficiently impressed by the whole one-day-pack-up thing.

Anyhoo, we left yesterday morning at around 8:00 am(ish).  We had no sooner crossed the border from Windsor into Detroit, when a sudden road closure set us adrift in (my apologies if you live there) the armpit of the world.  Let me assure you, gentle souls, Detroit is not somewhere you ever want to get lost.

After having been punted off the highway so unceremoniously, we found ourselves tooling down Gawdknowswhere Avenue headed toward Getmethehellouttahere Boulevard.  Burned out buildings and garbage abounded.  Being the helpful Assistant Turnip that I am, I volunteered to but out the GPS and save us.  Hah!

It’s important to note here that the said GPS gizmo was a gift, at one point (to get him to stop reading maps while driving…!!!), from yours truly to His Bobness.  Also worthy of note is the fact that he has never once looked at it, touched it, or acquainted himself with its limitations (and there are many).  He thinks that the instant you plug it in, NASA boots up and says, “Ground control to Bob:  Our NomaddnessSAT telemetry advises us that you’re adrift in Detroit.  Please stand by for immediate extrication, over.”  HAH!  (Again).

What actually happens is that I, the aforementioned Turnip, plug the thing in, poke the “on” button (generally more than once…yeah, yeah, I know…), and then settle in to wait and see whether or not the Global Positioning Gnomes feel up for it today.  Usually, just as the initial start screen thing makes its lazy debut, Bob starts yelling, “Where do I turn?!”  To which I patiently (or not) reply, “Hold yer water.  It’s still trying to acquire a signal.”  After two years of owning this thing, he still hasn’t gotten the hang of that bit.  If we’re moving, the GPS can take anywhere from half an hour to never to figure out where we are.

While signal acquisition is in progress, we are doomed to repeat ad infinitum, apparently, the same volley of Q and A.  To wit:  “Does it say how far it is back to the highway?”  “It needsa destination to do that but I can’t give it one until….”  At this point, I become “#%!~” and he becomes “@$*!!”  It’s all downhill from there.

The rest of Day 1 was spent in icy silence, which seemed sort of apropos considering that the weather was nasty as well.  When we arrived in Hell’s Gulch (or somesuch), Kentucky for the night, we were advised by the way-too-cheery campground proprietor that in view of the anticipated sub-zero overnight temperatures, there would be no water.  We had none in our tanks yet because of the cold, so we were utterly waterless (no flushie, no toothbrushie).  In addition, when bedtime rolled around, we discovered that the lovely squishy gel/foam mattress pad I bought last year in an effort to comfify (is that a word?) our bed was frozen solid.  It was like lying on a plank.  In a refrigerator.  Sigh.

  1. rlogan1155 says:

    Been there, done that. The Garmin story is so true and too funny. We are full time RVers living in a fifth wheel (this is our 4th winter). Right now we are in Mission, Texas, leaving for home Southern Ontario in a couple of weeks and planning on following the Gulf before heading north. Hopefully winter weather will be over by then. Enjoy Florida.
    Ruth from At Home on the Road

    • nomaddness says:

      We’re sort of test-driving with retirement just around the corner, trying to find out whether or not I’ll kill him if we try full time. From Southern Ontario as well, but the ponds are still frozen and the pile at the end of the driveway is still too high to see around. I’ve been craving warmth for six months! 🙂

  2. E says:

    Be nice to Bob, he has to drive. Don’t want him to go all out road rage out there.

    Have fun. It gets better the farther south you go.

  3. Shari Edgar says:

    I need pictures. I know what living with men is like. Especially in tight spaces. Have fun. Remember the old motto if it makes you happy to be happy be happy, and if it makes you grumpy to be grumpy be grumpy. So have fun. }3

    Sent from my iPhone

  4. wumby says:

    Pictures, where’s my Palm tree?

  5. Have fun anyway and take lots of pictures !

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