The Great Newfoundland Moose Conspiracy

Posted: June 18, 2013 in Assorted Silliness, Newfoundland, Photography, RV, Tourism, Travel, Wildlife
Tags: , , , , ,

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(Does this look real to you?!)

We’ve uncovered an amazingly well-executed hoax here in Newfoundland:  Despite all attempts to convince us otherwise, we’ve determined that there are, in fact, no moose whatsoever in this Province.

Ask any Newfie, though, and they’ll tell you something like, “Oh geez, by, ya gotta watch fer alla moose!  Dere all over da place, eh?  Smash yer car up right quick dey will!”  HAH!!

Read any tourism brochure and it’ll tell you that the moose population is up to well over 100,000 on the island now and that a massive culling is in progress.  HAH!!  (again)

There are road signs giving dire warnings about the moose on the roads and you’ll hear tales of how the local won’t even go out of their homes for fear of being trampled to death.  Say it with me now….HAH!!!

Folks, it’s all a fargin’ lie!  It’s an elaborate hoax cooked up by some sort of Newfie Tink Tank to suck the tourists in.  So well co-ordinated is this deception that when we enquired of an Official at one of those Tourist Information places, “So…where the heck are all these moose we keep hearing about?”  Her reply was (get this), “Oh geez, dere was a bunch of ’em just run by dat window right dere just a little while ago…”  HAH and DOUBLE HAH!!!!  What a load!

Just because some Newfie Tourism Committee sat around brainstorming ways to increase tourism traffic while sampling the Screech, doesn’t mean we’re gonna fall for it.  It probably went something like this:

“Oh geez, I gotta a good one, eh?”

“Oh yeah?  Whatcha tinkin’, by?”

“Well, y’know how doze west-coasters got dem Sasquatches and Ogopogos and whatnot, eh?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, why couldn’t we do sumpin’ like ‘at, only ours could be, oh, I dunno, like say a giant beaver er oh!  Har-har-har!  Here’s a goodun:  What if we say we’re overrun wit moose?!”

“But, Frankie, me by, we got no moose…”

“Well, dat’s da beauty, eh?  We just say we do ‘n’ we put up a buncha sign’s ‘n’ whatnot ‘n’ get alla bys ta say dey just seen one a minute ago…”

“Oh, har-har-har!  Lord tunderin’, Frankie!  Dat’s some genius tinkin’ dere!”

All (imaginary) dialogue aside, the evidence mounts.  We’ve now been in Newfoundland for six days and we’ve seen exactly zero moose.  To further damn the Moose Conspirators, we’ve met and spoken to exactly zero fellow travellers who have seen so much as a single moose!  Oh the locals are holding fast to their minute-ago sightings and brudder-in-laws whose crew-cab pickup was Bullwinkled to an early death.  Hell, there are even local radio reports warning that the moose detector lights at such and such a location are out again and gawd-helpya if yer headed dat way.  AND!!!  On a hike through the bush, we encountered what appeared to be a pile of moose poop…but there was a guy standing just off the path with a fargin’ shovel behind his back!

Pfft!  What a crock!!

Nice try, Newfoundland Tourism Board!  You might have the rest of the world bamboozled, but you ain’t foolin’ us!

 

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Comments
  1. I’m in the outer banks. No moose here either. I’m posting this to Facebook to see if any other of my friends had the same experience as you.

    Bruce

  2. You may not have seen them but they saw you. They’re the colour of the rocks and trees, all rolled into one. Rest assured, they’re there, but in stealth mode. They ‘uncloak’ microseconds before running up on the road, right in front of YOU.

  3. Kate Sparkes says:

    Oh, yes, b’y. Me mudder ‘as dis same ting happen to ‘er hevery toime she come up dis way.

    ‘Ang on, I switches off me Newfinese…

    There we go. Anyway, my mom never sees moose when she comes, either. I think that they have radar for people who WANT to see them. When those folks drive by, they stay hidden. It’s when you DON’T want to see them that they come out.

    Honestly, I haven’t seen many, and I live here. I saw one a few weeks ago, running across the road just up from Gander, and one about a month before that on the road between Lewisporte and Twillingate. Before that… I think it was back in the winter, when I had to slam on my brakes after dark so as not to rear-end a big bull. FUN.

    I have seen two bears in the past month, though, both crossing the road. Cutest roly-poly bums! 😀

    • nomaddness says:

      Hi Kate! Sorry for the late reply on this. My hello-you-have-a-comment thing neglected to mention that you’d been by (again – GAH!). I met a lady who told us (in strictest confidence) that Newfie bears are much shyer than normal bears. By that point I’d heard all of the moose malarkey and the rot about the icebergs, so “shy bears” was just another eye-roller. 😛

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